so the journey begins.

We started our lecture phase this past week! OHHH my goodness- so good. An abundance of information and experiences so far, and it’s really just a whole lot to process. I just wanna share some things i’ve learned.

A lot of the discussion was on Intimacy. I’ve talked about and thought about intimacy a lot, but I feel like my view of it has been somewhat askew. Moments i thought were intimate with God, and even with people, were not because of what I based it on.

Because we can expose all of the depths of ourselves to someone, or God, and still not be intimate with Him. It’s not all about me telling everything about myself…because it must be also received. Too often I count an intimate moment as me spilling my heart or emotions out..when intimacy is rooted in the giving AND receiving of that. 

As far as being intimate with God- I’ve come to see I must allow myself to go there. It’s a choice. And when I get to that place of choosing to go there- i feel vulnerable…and then become broken. In this brokenness is such a sweet release! and i witnessed that this week. All of us, as a group- were broken. like nothing i’ve ever even seen. It was beautiful..and scary. 

Intimacy takes sacrifice. In order for God to speak or move within me- I have to get rid of this crap that blinds my eyes and makes my ears deaf. So quite literally- every single morning, before my long day begins- i HAVE to choose to die to myself..and my fleshly desires. SO THAT He can be intimate with me, and I with Him. I realized some areas were I’ve been seeking intimacy, and a lot of it is in areas that don’t even matter- like people involved and other circumstances..just been evaluating my motives. Letting His intimacy with me just be enough. The word intimacy in Hebrew means “sitting with”…. hardly ever to I let that “sitting with” Him be sufficient for me or my day. 

All of these things are simple concepts, i know, but such good, fresh reminders to me this week. And i realized that I’ve been simply dipping my toe in this MASSIVE ocean, when He wants me to just jump in and let myself be engulfed by this overwhelming love. And, all too often, I settle for having a wet toe…. but I so badly want my body drenched in Him. 

Also talked a lot about prayer. and wowwww I do not pray enough. There are so many things I desire God to do. So much to be done in my life and people around me. and i never even ASK it of Him! He tells us “Seek! And you shall find!”…so why is it that we don’t ask or seek Him in our situations?

I’ve felt burdened to pray fervently, and realized I hardly ever do. But, again, it’s a choice. A day by day, moment by moment, decision to be disciplined and taking God up on His promises! because they are there..waiting for us to choose to first believe that He can carry them out, and second to ask. I’ve attempted actually fervently praying, and realized that it is so very difficult because my mind is constantly elsewhere. This walk with Him… it’s no easy way, and I’m seeing that. It’s so good. 

So, that’s what i’ve been chewing on this week. Being here is SUCH a blessing… oh my goodness I LOVE it. :)